real

Ok.
I admit this gonna be one more boring love story about me and bey.
but this my blog rite, the essence of having a blog diary is to post anything related to my life, right?
*self defense* LOL

So,
Gue akhirnya sadar bahwa sebelum gue akhirnya sama Beyi, gue kebanyakan idup dalam fantasi gue sendiri.
I pictured those men as a perfectly man alive. Tapi gue ga pernah punya sesuatu yang real dengan mereka.

Let say Gaga.
I loved him, and i had the faith that he could possibly love me back.
He did. Or he didnt. That is one thing remains unknown.
But the point is, we were never real.
He got a girl when he met me, "dated" me, and he broke up and hit another girl, not me of course, to be with him and now he's married with that woman, but he said he loved me all the time he was with those other girls.
i was a fool.
I thought i had this super happy love life with him, spent entirely some years believing we shared a same feelings, but now i can see.
i was living my fairy tales.

i thought i had this life with him, but the truth is, i barely know him.
i don't even know what his favorite color, what his favorite food, what he loves and what he hates.
oh i know he's allergic to mushroom. One thing.
and that's mushroom.
we never shared life story, pillow talk, all of our conversation is just about "what i do today, and what is suit sleep are you wearing now.."

oh.. teens.

yea, i was a teenager. maybe he is my-teenager-dream.

and things go likely with edo.
i dont wanna tell more about him. i make my closure. and i am peace with that.

my point is,
now, my beyi is as not as perfect as the pictured gaga, or he's not that charming as any other men i hit before.
not the one with amazing academic history, not so independent man that live by his own feet and so on.
but he's with me.
he is real.
and i finally found what i needed. being truly loved.
and it feels really right now.
i am not gonna fool my self again that we have a perfect love life, because that kind of life is just some made up life, some fantasies that doesnt even exist.
we fight, we screamed out at each other, we cried, we blamed each others fault, but in the end we find a way to get back together, to forgive and to forget, to let them behind us.

But he's there.
i know him for real. i can tell anything about him.
favorite food? dendeng batokok, specially made by his mommy
favorite band? owh, what else. peterpan, now known as noah

i know him because I AM with him. i really am.
and that makes me happier than ever.

for now.
i can say it will last forever. but i really wish it last as long as we can.

and no matter how hard the situation we are facing for to be together.
this is what i believe in now.. love will find a way.
if we are meant to be, we will find a way.